Length

So I’ve been away from writing for a few months now. Sometimes I think my language is so bad now since I’ve stopped writing.

Anyway, so these few months have been hectic and also with much revelations as well. I don’t have any words to describe this feeling now except that everything is in a mess and yet everything is as clear as ever.

To be honest, I think I’m always going to be dissatisfied with life. Perhaps feeling neutral or worse still, feeling unhappy about life. And that has been me for the longest time I can remember. Sometimes I can’t remember what I am unhappy about and sometimes I’m just unhappy for no good reason (yes, they might be crazy moodswings). But all in all, these unhappiness are part of my life and eventually I have to be used to them. I’m thankful for these unhappiness at times because they force me to grab life by the collar and stare at it and deal with all the things that I am faced with.

I used to be more daring on a larger level, more of a “make your own destiny” kind of person. The old me would confess to guys just because I liked them (only just once because yes, I am that crazy). But now the changed me won’t do that anymore. Maybe to some extent I am just jaded with life and I’ve lost that passion that I once had for life. I’m still as crazy as ever though, wanting to travel by my own for 2 weeks.

I think what I really want is to be able to be alone and be comfortable with it. To be with myself and love myself for who I am and then think of what I really wanna do with life. Because honestly, I haven’t found what I want to do with my life. People have grand dreams of their businesses, their future and all I have is: I want to find a good job. And goodness, that’s just insufficient for me.

So as I begin a new journey to love myself, I hope I’ll be able to make some self-discoveries and really find out what I really really want in life.

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