What exactly do I constitute as fun? 

I’m not sure whether I have been working too hard to have fun or all along, I have just been playing non stop. 

I can’t deny that I am worrying myself all day long. It might be because I am a very sensitive person and I do feel changes in attitude very easily. But then again, I know I shouldn’t be a control freak and worry so much. Nevertheless, I still worry every single day for the time bomb to explode. Maybe I am worrying for nothing and everything will turn out well. I’m just going to prepare my heart for the worst, and hope fervently for the best.

On the surface, everything looks perfect and I am doing well and everything seems to be on the right track. But the turmoil underneath kills me some times. Worried and upset to tears twice already and I hope it doesn’t happen anymore. Its also by sheer luck that I am still coping alright with school work. 

Maybe I am expecting too much. Maybe my expectation of it is so perfect and that I haven’t thought about the fact that imperfection itself is perfection. Have I also forgotten that no one is perfect and I should be more accepting? But on the other hand, I haven’t forgotten that my gut instincts are very very accurate too. 

Received very good advice the other day. It is impossible to be very good friends and yet still expect each other not to be angsty at each other when work issue crops up. The only sad thing was probably I have expected a lot more from this experience from what I saw in the past and it’s probably because of that, my expectations are so high. I should really manage my expectations well. 

I know I am doing the right thing. But I have no idea why I love doing it so much. I think this is the start of craziness. Sigh. 

On another note, haven’t been actually drinking with my usual drinking people. But went drinking and clubbing with other people which I didn’t quite like at first and now I am more comfortable with them now. Have also realised that I cannot reject alcohol at all. So hard to reject people when I am free to drink. Not a good sign actually. And I’m so hooked on clubbing and club music that I want to go so badly again, even though it is actually week 9 now, so 4 more weeks to exams. TSK. Someone please wake me up or ask me out to go drink/club again. Have no idea how I turned out this way  when I look like such a good kid. 😥

At first I thought it was quite a good night, then I realised that I was just jumping around but my soul was somewhere else. Yes, this is the craziness that I am talking about. Can’t stop worrying even though I am supposed to be out having fun. Ugh. Need to be less control freakish, more relaxed, less worried and less sensitive. 


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