Somewhere gone

“Sometimes you need to let go of something you really love to get what you really deserve.”

But what if what I deserve isn’t really what I love? Would I give it and stick to what I love? 

I cannot compare and compete as strongly as others. And I will not degrade myself to do what you would prefer me to do. I would have a problem with myself and my own attitude and I would most certainly hate myself for it. But I still love what I do and I want to be deserving of it, which is so hard. I know I’m not flawless. I’m full of flaws which is why I know I have to give what I love up and uphold my own priorities. 

But ultimately, I know I would have to let this go. And even thinking about it hurts. Deep inside, I know this is for the best. Otherwise I would only spiral deeper and not be able to get out of it and already I have felt myself spiraling into the deeper end. 

I can’t hold on to you, so I will have to tear this so called relationship apart. No matter how forceful it is going to be and how much I am going hurt, I am going to have to leave. 

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