When you enter another stage of your life, you will tend to compare it with your previous stages of your life. In terms of friends, relationships with people and the workload.
Since I have started university, all I have felt is sorry for myself. I feel so apologetic to everyone because I am not performing up to my standard. This has been quite the horrible week for me because of many things that I have to complete. I wish I could just complain and nag to someone about it and have that someone tell me, yeah y’know what, I think you have the right to be angry and bitch slap this douchebag in this face.
But I won’t do that because I am actually a pretty hypocritical person. Regardless, I will still try to complete the given work because it is my job no matter how pissed off or how tired I am.
I have realised I actually have the ability to make friends. This sounds morbid I know, but really, I have trouble opening up to people because I can’t trust half of them. But I am actually glad that I have friends who read my tweets and then come and ask me, are you alright? or just joke with me. It means so much to me also because I know these are not from my usual hangout group of friends and such friends makes my day so much better. I read in so many places that when you go into this school, you won’t know who your true friends are, you’ll get backstabbed so many times. But I am really glad to say that is not true. I have actually met really great people who help me so much when they realise what I’m going through.
The next realisation stems from me alienating away from some friends. I do realise that I keep so much emotions and thoughts bottled up inside me that when I unleash all of it, all hell breaks loose on me. Either I say the right things to the wrong people, or I essentially say too much. I wish I was a better judge of character sometimes and not be so quick to trust people just because they treat me better than others. But then again, I still trust my instincts albeit not very happy with my choice.
It’s my first burn out from this semester and I hope I will not have such episodes in the near future. Otherwise, I am so gonna screw this up again.
On a brighter note, I have quite enjoyed my 2 mass sessions in school. Actually thinking of doing a bit more in CSA. But then again, it’s not really my cup of tea and I really just want to focus on strengthening my faith a lot more. But I am actually really happy that I have taken the first step and gone for mass. Every time after the service I feel so much more at ease with myself and realise that actually God does make a huge difference in my life.
“Take that rage, put it on a page, take the page to the stage, blow the roof off the place”