It is exactly one hour into 2013 as I am writing this. And here I am writing down what I want to complete or at least try to complete for 2013. To add on, I am probably going to print this out and place this whole chunk which I am going to pen down at somewhere prominent so I can constantly remind myself what I have to do.
1. Be kinder to myself. I realised I have actually been pretty harsh on myself all these while. I don’t let myself fail and when I do fail I blame myself so much and guilt trip myself into being unhappy for at least a day or two. It’s not a bad thing to feel bad and reflect on your own faults. But it is definitely unhealthy to be destructive and blame yourself over everything bad that has happened. So what I need myself to do is to “live and let live”, so that I don’t feel so unhappy all the time. Of course, I can’t expect myself to suddenly be a carefree birdie and sing happy tunes all day long. Baby steps. Just let go a little earlier and start feeling a little less sorry for myself. We all have things that we did and now regret, but I don’t have to always be stuck in the past.
2. Complete the jar of happiness and unhappiness task. This resolution will probably take me whole year long and yes, it is supposed to take me whole year long. By the time I read through all the notes I have written for 2013, I do hope I have more slips of paper from the happiness container as compared to the unhappiness container. This is such a meaningful thing to do because then by new year’s eve I will be able to truly appreciate what I went through in 2013.
3. Trust and have faith in people more (at least just once). This is definitely going to be one huge task to complete because of my personality and the trust issues I have. I know its definitely not an issue I am born with. But when I think about it, I don’t really know why I have such issues. But this is definitely something that I have to work on even though I know its probably not going to change. But again, as a friend said, the keyword is “more” and I don’t have to completely erase this issue now.
4. Love myself more. This seems a little similar to 1. but yeah would still like to make it another point because to me there is sort of a difference. 2013 is the year where I would like to embrace myself and tell myself it’s okay to be grumpy, unhappy, angry, angsty, jealous, upset, happy, alive, thankful, grateful, merry, impulsive, rebellious, miserable, guilty, embarrassed, vulnerable, fearful, regardless of whether I am optimistic or pessimistic. Because whatever I feel/do, I am still me. I can’t change myself because some dude that I just spoke to said that I’m wrong and continues to judge me for being wrong. It’s alright to feel sad all the time because it is just in my character. I just want to accept myself for who I am in 2013. It’s gonna be a huge task and humongous effort is in order but I know it will be worth it.
5. Attend a gig/concert. In the past years, I have never attended a gig/concert no matter how much I liked the artist. It just feels like a waste of money to me and I’ve never really had friends who had the same music taste as me. But before I get too old, I should at least go for one concert and experience how it feels like to be crazy over an idol, no? It might be hard to break out of my behavior for the past 19 years but I’ll definitely try.
6. GPA above 3.5. This is more of a short term goal for the year rather than a long term goal. 2012 was a year which I did really badly. May have been a great wake up call actually. So as of now I know how much harder I have to work and how much lesser I need to be distracted from other happenings.
7. Earn more money. For a 20 year old still studying this may be a weird resolution. But this is one of my resolutions because I don’t ever want to be dependent on my family for my livelihood. Once holidays are here, I probably should go on and find a job, and start earning some money. I am a pretty materialistic person and without money, where would I be? If I want to get things for myself, I would probably have to work for it.
8.Start reading more books and the newspaper. Ever since the Today newspaper stopped delivering to my house, I have stopped reading news. I do know what is going on in the world because I get snippets of them from the radio, from my twitter. But still, it is different from reading the actual newspaper. Books too. I felt I haven’t read anything unrelated to my studies in a long time and that is absolutely wrong. What is life without a little rest and relaxation with a book and some tea?
8. Take more photographs. Alright, I am obviously not a good photographer whatsoever. But what I really wanna do is take more photographs and see things differently. I’m sure I don’t need a professional camera to take photographs. What I do need is just my phone. I could remember how I used to tell people taking photos of yourself is just one way of appreciating yourself and this seems to be one of the facts that I have forgotten.
9. Find friends I can and truly want to keep in contact with ad also keep in contact with my close friends now. Come to think of it, the only friends that I really care about are the only ones keeping contact with me. I’m only active in keeping contact when I believe that they are worth it, but I don’t give a chance to those that I have just met and I’m really passive around them. It’s definitely not fair for the friends that I have just met. But then again, I also know that my instincts are usually correct. So I’ll just do this to my own discretion then!
10. Be myself, be happy. Part of me haven’t really felt happy these few months because I think I have been faking my way through and adapting to what others want instead of doing my own thing and just be true to myself. I guess I’ve always been like this where I just adapt and be what others want me to be. But for this year, I want to be myself and see where it leads me to.
I guess I do have many other tiny tiny resolutions. So I’m just gonna write them down and really do something about them for the coming year. May the coming year be better than the previous year. We never do feel much older than the year before but at the end of year, hopefully we’ll all be wiser, with many more lessons learnt.