Healing

Sometimes loving someone means begging them to stay, finding chances to get closer to them, finding ways to make them feel special, doing everything you can to bring a smile to their face.

Sometimes loving someone means letting them go, letting them find themselves, giving them the freedom to explore, letting them found out where they belong. 

Recently a friend told me: when you want to know whether you should stay, use this rule of thumb. If your presence makes someone happier, stay. But if your presence does not turn your better half’s life for the better, then it is wiser to just leave. At this point, I really felt tired of everything that I’ve had and I just concurred.  A really hard thought to accept because when we’re heartbroken, the pain of things force us to relook at ourselves and try to mend the pieces back together instead of looking at others and trying to piece out whether it is worth staying on and fighting on.

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Dear you, 

I’ve never believed so much in once bitten twice shy until I’ve had this experience. I’ve always chosen to believe the best in you, even when you choose to hurt me with your words and action and yet time and again, I find myself choosing to bring that hurt to myself. It is unfair for me to stay on because I see how unhappy it makes you, and that makes me unhappy too. Love isn’t about finding someone with the perfect eyes, the perfect body, the perfect skin. It’s about finding the most imperfect person and still thinking that they’re the most perfect person you’ve ever met. 

A friend once told me, love is easy once you find the right person. But when do I know who is the right person? Perhaps love, is just as easy as letting one go when the time is right, giving up any expectations and slowly easing back to leading my own life. I choose to see the good in you when I myself can’t articulate why you’re good for me and to me, that is unconditional love. But to you, that’s not enough because it is not the perfect kind of love that you want. 

And so, here’s to letting you go and pursue your freedom. I hope you find someone who listens to you rant about your work and advises you that no matter what, she has your back. I hope you find someone that you can hug to sleep, dreaming of a happy future with her. I hope you find someone that is shorter than you, so you won’t have any trouble hugging her. I hope you find someone, who is able to tug at your heartstrings and make you love her more everyday. Most of all, I hope you find someone that becomes the reason to your smile and your laughter, instead of leaving you red eyed, waiting for someone else to comfort you. 

And when you find her, remember to keep her close, don’t let her run away. 

Love, me.

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Full circle

How interesting it is that things have come a full circle since 2 months ago. I guess it hurts, but I’m sort of relieved? Or maybe it’s just that the hurt hasn’t kicked in. 

But I guess I will be okay. Just like how I pulled through before. Even though I do hope that teeny weeny 5% bit where you’ll be the man and realise that you’ve been wrong, but I guess, it’s time for me to put it down, and maybe cry a few buckets and move on. 

There’s more things in life for me to worry about than a small blemish in my life and I’m not gonna pity myself. 

Push on and hang in there. You’re worthy of yourself, babe. Always remember that and let no one kill your confidence.